Some people are better able to regulate their emotional responses than others.

There are moments when we wish we could remain composed, especially when the whirlwind of external events seems to consume every available option we believed we had. But our aim here isn’t to idealize certain behaviors—we are human, after all. It’s important to affirm that there is nothing inherently wrong or unnatural about experiencing any emotion.

Some individuals are emotionally stronger than others, and here are five habits they tend to cultivate:

1. Metacognition (What does it mean to “think about thinking”?)

The term metacognition refers to our ability to observe and assess what is happening in our minds—our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, moods, expectations, and inner dialogue—especially when we feel threatened by hostile or distressing external circumstances.

Most of the time, our minds operate on autopilot. Something happens, and we react: someone gives us a disapproving look, and we respond with a sharp comment. A painful memory resurfaces, and we spiral into guilt.

The more we ignore our minds, the more our actions become automatic reactions rather than conscious choices, leading to emotional instability and persistent anxiety.

If you tend to catastrophize under stress, you will likely live with heightened worry. If your instinct is to respond to criticism with defensiveness, you may often feel disappointed or angry. If your default is to internalize negative events and blame yourself, feelings of shame and guilt can become pervasive.

But when we learn to pause and observe what’s unfolding internally, we begin to act more intentionally and consciously. The goal isn’t to control your emotions, but to cultivate curiosity toward them. Watch them. Observe them. Reflect on them. If time allows, analyze them. Even on an ordinary day without major tragedy, what newness might emerge in your internal experience?

2. Attentional Shifting (The power of thought)

Most people spend their time focusing on whatever catches their attention—be it mindless scrolling through social media or daydreaming about a new car. The mind drifts easily, often with little deliberate input.

Yet the content of your thoughts shapes the quality of your emotions. If you’re fixated on the future, you’re likely to feel anxious. If you’re dwelling on past mistakes, you’ll likely feel shame. If you’re preoccupied with perceived injustice, anger will follow.

To reduce emotional reactivity, one must learn to spend less time ruminating on anxiety-inducing content. This is difficult, however. When trapped in loops of overthinking, it becomes nearly impossible to be present with the person next to you or to take action on things that would improve your mood.

To break free from unhelpful thinking patterns and the painful emotions they generate, it’s vital to live more attuned to the present moment. The ability to direct your attention is like a muscle: if you don’t train it, it remains weak, leaving your mood and emotional well-being at the mercy of your wandering mind.

3. Self-Compassion (Be your ally in hard times)

Self-compassion is a technical term for a simple idea: when you’re struggling, treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend.

Many of us tend to be harsh self-critics, punishing ourselves for every perceived mistake. Meanwhile, we often show warmth and understanding when others falter.

We would likely be more effective and significantly happier if we stopped self-punishing in the face of failure or imperfection. Harsh self-judgment only intensifies the pain of a difficult moment and adds layers of shame and anxiety.

To break this painful cycle of failure and persistent negative emotion, practice self-compassion instead of self-condemnation. Be the friend you need—especially when it matters most.

4. Emotional Tolerance (Your inner resilience)

A significant component of emotional strength is learning how to respond skillfully to challenging feelings and moods, so they don’t spiral out of control. Painful emotions are inevitable. Making mistakes hurts, and guilt or shame may follow. No matter how self-aware you are, painful emotions will still arise. No matter how skilled you are at attention regulation, anxiety will occasionally creep in.

What matters is whether you can keep living your life even while experiencing emotional discomfort, just like a runner keeps going despite fatigue if they want to finish the race.

The alternative? Develop emotional tolerance. Just as marathon runners build endurance through training, you can strengthen your capacity to feel difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed. Next time you encounter a tough emotion, instead of asking how to get rid of it, try asking: Is this an opportunity to build my emotional tolerance?

5. Assertiveness (Courage with respect)

When people hear the word “assertive,” they often think of someone forceful or aggressive. But true assertiveness is neither rude nor domineering—it’s the healthy balance between passivity and aggression.

Aggressive communication disregards others’ needs; passive communication ignores one’s own. Assertiveness means expressing your needs and opinions honestly while respecting others.

This is vital for emotional strength. When we avoid external conflict, we often create internal conflict, especially when we’re overly passive. We “go with the flow” to avoid tension, holding back our ideas or feelings to keep the peace.

But constantly yielding to others while neglecting our own needs erodes self-esteem, increases frustration, and breeds anxiety. We end up resenting others for getting what they want, while we remain unfulfilled. Low self-worth leads to strained relationships and greater emotional turbulence.

By practicing assertiveness, you strengthen your ability to stay steady through emotional storms. Self-esteem and confidence become the internal anchors that lift you toward solutions, even when you’re sinking in worry or discouragement.